Mental Health Mondays: Depression – a dark and scary place

July 2, 2012 by BewilderedBug | 9 Comments

Mental Health is a serious issue affecting our society today.

In an effort to get rid of the negativity and the stigma against mental issues, these brave people have chosen to share their stories with you.

Be nice, read, reflect and respond reasonably.

Mental Health Mondays has NOT died, it is ongoing, but it needs you to be brave by sending in your stories, in order to continue.

If you would like to express yourself and share your story on Mental Health Mondays, please feel free to email me at bewilderedbug(at)gmail(dot)com or tweet me at @bewilderedbug

Let’s continue to spread mental health awareness together

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Please welcome another guest poster who I am extremely honoured to feature on my blog! Lee is an amazing woman who has struggled with mental illness herself and who devotes her life to helping others with mental illness so that they too can triumph over it. Lee is the author of the book “A Quiet Strong Voice” where she shares her depression story in an effort to show others that depression can be managed. A lecturer on mental illness and a lover of humanity by nature, Lee lives her life willing to help others and has been an awesome source of support and information and inspiration for me.I love her for it and I hope you will love her as much as I do. Please feel free to visit her on her website Simplee Serene.

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Monday May 3rd I awake at 12.05am, 2.15am and awake again at 3.35am, frustrated and fearful I begin to worry and am wondering why I can’t sleep, and I toss and turn until 7am. The girls get up and it takes all of my energy to get them ready for school, I have some breakfast, yet within 10 minutes all the food I put into my stomach comes back up.

I lay on the couch relying on my 10 year old daughter to get herself and her sister ready. I come back from dropping the girls off at the bus and just lie on the couch, no energy – so I decide to go back to bed, once again sleep eludes me. Sharp pain starts to shoot right across my chest and I start dry retching.

This is all too familiar, six years ago this was the exact pattern that landed me in hospital, a mental and physical wreck, not sleeping, not keeping food down, anxiety and worry. Why is this happening now? I just got back from a fantastic vacation, what possibly could be wrong? The tears start to come now, mainly from fear of going back to that dark place. I have some toast and once again is doesn’t remain in my body for too long. I am now pacing back and forth, chest is excruciatingly painful, if I had not experienced anxiety before I would have thought I was dying.

The same pattern continues into the night and the next day. I am not going back to where I was, I can’t, I won’t. I send out an email to six of my friends letting them know where I am at and asking for their help to call me to prevent me from hiding. Lynne comes over that afternoon and holds me, makes me laugh and keeps my girls from pulling each other’s hair out.

Surrendering to Depression

By 3.30pm the anxiety is unbearable, the exhaustion and weakness crumples me to my knees. Right at this time Gisele calls me, and suggests that she take me to Urgent Care in Okotoks. She arrives on my doorstep within 30 minutes and I collapse into her arms and just sob.

Gratefully, the admission nurse at urgent care places me in a private waiting room, she takes my vitals. A Counselor comes in and speaks with me – noting the severe anxiety is likely the cause and is pleased to hear I had already made an appointment with my Doctor and Psychologist the following week. The on duty Doctor comes in and gives me a prescription for sleep medication, enough to get me through to my Doctors appointment on Monday.

Nurturing Love of Friends

Gisele, takes me to her place sets me up comfortably on the couch. I call our neighbor, my daughters are well taken care of and fine. The girls had seen me throw up on several occasions and were relieved I was being taken care of. Gisele, the perfect caregiver served me a small portion of homemade soup, which gratefully stayed down. I drifted off into a restful night sleep around 8pm.

Although still weak, I woke up the next morning with a little more strength and grateful to be greeted by Gisele. Unbeknownst to me she made homemade muesli the night before and gave me a small bowl of it with yogurt. Another nourishing meal stays down. Throughout the day, she lovingly prepares small meals for me and after a day of nurturing and rest, and a wonderful dinner (the most I had eaten in 5 days) Gisele took me home.

The girls and I lay on the couch and watched television, I had my head in my eldest daughter’s lap and she brushed my hair while my youngest daughter massaged my feet. When Neil got home, he was relieved to see there was a bit more life in my eyes, and grateful that my friends had taken care of me so well. Another restful night of sleep arrived.

Support is Always at Hand

My words of gratitude for my friends and family: ”I am so grateful to have you in my life, thank you for being there, even if sometimes we may not see each other in a long while there is a love and trust in knowing you are there for me. The words of support, offers to help and words of encouragement mean the world to me. I know it is sometimes frustrating not knowing what to do, and how to help, the best thing is what you have all done for me: a knowing that you are there, a phone call, a cooked meal, taking care of business, a warm and loving hug and listening.

Mental Health is so important, if I had not reached out so quickly, I don’t even want to imagine where I would be in this moment! There is no shame in asking for help. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or feel guilty about: love, support and compassion are there when you choose to ask and can literally be, the difference between life and death.

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Lee Horbachewski is a Speaker, Coach and Author of A Quiet Strong Voice – My journey through depression, anxiety and attempted suicide. Lee creates conversations provides tools and empathy to be the change in reducing the stigma around mental illness and suicide.

Website: www.SimpLeeSerene.com & Twitter: @SimpLee_Serene

Savvy Suburban Mama

A great post – thanks for sharing. In my work I encounter people who deal with mental illness – primarily depression (I work with people in conflict in their workplace) and someone very close to me has travelled this path to a point I found it very scarey. No hints or attempts to bring it up worked until I finally sat down with them and told them what I could see, what I was afraid of and how I wanted to see them find their way back and asked what they needed and offered to do anything – especially drive them to the doctor . Thankfully that led to the doctor visit and a recovery, although I think that I will always worry. One in four Canadians will suffer from depression sometime in their life whether it be a singular event or a lifelong path of care. I think we all need to be more aware so we can support each other.
- http://www.simpleeserene.com/ Lee Horbachewski
  
  Thank you for your willingness to be there for your friend and others. You give your unconditional love & support. There is nothing more you can do than that.
  We all need to realize that we can be aware & support each other through the good times & the bad.
  Hugs Lee xoc
- BewilderedBug
  
  That would have been a scary time for you both! I’m glad that your friend was open enough to receive the news you were brave enough to tell him/her. I agree – too many people suffer from mental illness and ignore it or don’t know how to get treated or even IF they should be treated. By dispelling stigma and sharing knowledge, I hope that this will change. It’s a long hard road but it can be done!
http://www.chasing-joy.com/ Chasing Joy

Thank you for sharing your story. You are very brave. Often friends just have no clue how to help somone who is having a hard time. Good for you being stong enough to reach out for help and then being willing to receive it.
- BewilderedBug
  
  @simplee_serene is so strong and sympathetic, I don’t think she even realizes how amazing of a person she is – she is really humble and very easy to talk to – I can’t wait till I can meet her IRL one day! It is never an easy answer as a friend of someone with untreated/undiagnosed mental illness – no one can really force someone to realize they have a problem – it sorta has to come on its own you know? Just give as much love as you can and encourage them to get checked out – trust me both you and they will be glad for it later on.
- http://www.simpleeserene.com/ Lee Horbachewski
  
  Thank you. It is through sharing stories – real & authentic – we connect deeply with others. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, and gives others permission to do the same.
  Hugs Lee xox
Guest

This is one amazing post! The author is an amazing woman – sharing her story!! I am struggling so hard right now with depression – so I can so relate. I remember when I first became diagnosed I read so many books trying to learn – trying to understand. I should really get her book – it sounds like a must read!
- BewilderedBug
  
  @simplee_serene is an amazing amazing woman – she is definitely a good person to talk to about these issues. She is sympathetic and knows what it is like to be in your shoes – an amazing support. Also if you want to please feel free to speak to me – I have been there too, hence the reason for these guest posts. Thank you so much for reading and being so open about your condition that you are willing to share. If you’d like to share your story please email me at bewilderedbug(at) gmail (dot) com so I can schedule you in? The more stories we put out there, the less stigma there is about mental health and the better off we all are as a society.
- http://www.simpleeserene.com/ Lee Horbachewski
  
  Thank you. I am just like you, someone who travelled through a dark & scary place. When you accept this place & realize you need the love & support of those around you, you give yourself permission to heal. I believe my book would be a reservoir of tools to help you through.
  Sending you lots of love
  Lee xox