The Art of Being Alone

May 27, 2012 by BewilderedBug | 6 Comments

There is an art to being alone.

I don’t mean the kids went to swimming lessons and the hubby’s outside bathing the dog alone, I mean seriously, seriously alone. I mean after you’re divorced, or if you have recently just moved out of your parents’ house into your own apartment, if you’ve had to move for a job away from every and anything you’ve ever known, or if your spouse is living in a different country for an extended period of time for one reason or another (be it a military placement, job assignment or school).

The art in it is to take advantage of the time and use it wisely, whatever that may mean to you, instead of allowing it to consume you.

You see, loneliness is like a monster, just waiting in the wings for you to let your guard down. It will envelop you in self-pity and make you wallow in the deepest, most dangerous part of your soul that some people should never even wish to have revealed to them. It can bring you lower than you have ever imagined a human psyche can be. And when that happens, it is extremely hard to climb your way out.

So, instead, when you find yourself lonely, as in TRULY lonely, don’t sit on the couch watching television, don’t go to the fridge and eat whatever you have to eat, don’t sleep all day….find yourself.

I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is only when you are this truly alone that you can reconnect with who you really want to be – that person that may have gotten lost along the way. It is only when things around you are truly quiet and you have nothing to think about but your life that you realize, maybe I shouldn’t have given up painting. I love to dance. I have better and closer girlfriends than I thought I did. I don’t need anyone to live and love my life and myself.

I mean, it is only human nature to get down when you’re lonely, so I’m not saying that you won’t have your down times when you cry for hours on end because it feels like no one cares. However, the majority of the time, you HAVE to make the effort to do something, be somebody, develop yourself into a person you can recognize again. Into a person you can live with and love and be happy being, and then you can start giving yourself more than you ever have been able to prior to your lonely period.

So, if you have the opportunity to be alone, reflect on yourself, reflect on your life and start living and thriving. Cherish yourself and relish your life through the art of being alone.

multitestingmommy

Serena – when is hubby coming home?! I can understand why it might make you uneasy to think about how you will find your “alone” time – I’m sure hubby will understand how much you value and require your “me” time and you will have to find a weekly routine or even daily routine to be sure to incorporate it in! I never realized just how important my ME time is until I had kids – I don’t get it nearly enough so I do embrace it when the opportunity presents itself! Great post!
- BewilderedBug
  
  Hi chick, he is coming home in July. I just think I may have to sit him down and explain my needs – through the year alone and through therapy I’ve recently started (another blog on that as soon as I’m ready to talk about it), I think I’ve realized where a lot of my fears stem from and what I need from myself and those close to me to overcome them. I am nervous, but I am going to try to make having an hour or so of alone time everyday (as in chosen alone time rather than I have nothing to do alone time) a priority.
Trish

Excellent post Serena and such an important topic.

I am a big fan of practising the art of being alone. In fact, it is part of my self-care routine, partially because I am extremely introverted and need the time to recharge, and partially because I sensory overstimulate everyday and being alone with my ear plugs in and in a dark room to deprive my senses has taught me to be at peace with myself.

It is when I am the most creative, and the most insightful. It is when I can truly look at what’s causing my dis-ease and take steps towards healing. It is a very spiritual and powerful time in my day.”Doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone” Kelly Clarkson, What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) Love,Trish
- BewilderedBug
  
  Oh Wow Trish – I think that was possibly the most spectacular comment ever! I am nervous about hubs coming back because I don’t want to lose this independent self I have found again nor do I want to lose the quiet time I have been able to afford myself. That’s my nature though, as much as I am happy and excited, I always find the ‘but’ statement!
  - Trish
    
    Thank you for the compliment on my comment
    
    I can understand why you would be nervous. I think it’s normal for there to be a period of adjustment–getting to know each other again as certainly you have both changed.
    
    From my experience, my husband doesn’t really understand. He calls it my “going to bed time”. My parents call it my “nap time”. Whatever. What they all do recognize is that afterwards, I am much more relaxed and happy and more myself.
    
    Much love to you,
    Trish
    - BewilderedBug
      
      I think my husband will be okay – I just have to gather the strength to discuss this openly with him.